I was once again not struck with inspiration but found a little as I wrote. I always find it interesting what comes out even when maybe my original direction in that first line was not where I ended up.
Trust – Week Four
This week we’re considering the move into our confidence and rhythm as parents even as we navigate the uncertain waters of discipline, spirituality, and seeking answers to big questions.
It took us both to create these lives
And it will take us both to nurture them.
Nights rocking her, taking turns
Days chasing him up the stairs
The joys shared
The future pains of the growing process
We will both be there for all of it.
And they will both need us in different ways
In different seasons
I wonder what she will want for her 5th?
His first still looms ahead
And we haven’t decided yet…
There are days it is easy.
There I am all smiles on cloud 9.
Others are harsh.
I smile for others but not for me.
Beneath is inner turmoil swirling.
And sometimes I don’t even pretend.
I have been through enough valleys to know He is there.
Always, strong, steadfast, unmoving, unchangeable.
Sometimes silent because I need to come up with the answers.
He holds them for me there, patient, ever so patient, insanely patient.
I know I need Him on the mountaintops, too.
I could fall at any moment.
The mountain could crumble, earthquake like.
It’s happened before.
I must embrace His love there, too. And hold on tight.
Sometimes a delight
Watching the blossom of the delicate flower of character budding brilliantly.
Being patient is not my strength although I try to teach it.
So there are times when I feel despair that the lessons won’t be learned.
“Give up! What is the use!” the enemy growls to me.
But then a tiny hint, something small reminds me to watch and wait.
To gently keep on.
Don’t trample the bud.
Give it a chance to let it bloom.
An inquisitive child is a 4 year old.
Why, What I hear her say 300 times a day.
I can’t even perceive what exactly the question is half the time.
I have long since forgotten what it is to wonder myself.
I realize though I question many things as well.
It is not a bad thing, a bad desire to always want to know.
So ask me your questions, sweet girl.
I hope I answer you well.
Being comfortable in your own skin is a treat.
It does require some effort.
One must turn off all of the noise, look within.
Some acceptance is needed. Inside, it’s not always nice in there.
A lot of time I only see the badness. All of those times I did as I should not.
There are plenty of those times to point to as a mother.
So very many opportunities to MESS IT UP.
Then I remember. I look up. I remember my account is wiped clean.
Confidence is a gift given to the secure.
It makes others opinions of your decisions matter little.
It makes other decisions for themselves not offend.
The best gift a mother can give herself is knowing and researching her decisions well
And then having the confidence to implement them
Yet maintain the humbleness and openness to see that possibly that first decision may not be the best after all.
Then course correct, know better and do better and move on.
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