The Best in Natural Parenting Posts for 2011

I am proud and honored to be volunteer with the Natural Parents Network (NPN), a community of natural-minded parents and parents-to-be where you will be informed, empowered, and inspired. When you visit the NPN’s website you can find articles and posts about Activism, Balance, Consistent Care, Ecological Responsibility, Family Safety, Feeding With Love, Gentle Discipline, Healthy Living, Holistic Health, Natural Learning, Nurturing Touch, Parenting Philosophies, Practical Home Help, Preparing for Parenting, Responding With Sensitivity, Safe Sleep, and so much more!

The volunteers who dedicate their time and energy to make NPN the outstanding resource it is also spend countless hours informing and inspiring others on their personal blogs. To close out 2011, the NPN volunteers have come together to provide you with some valuable reading material. Each volunteer has selected either their most viewed post of 2011 or their favorite post and shared the link here. Please take a few moments to visit each post. Our intention is to expand our reach as bloggers and informed parents and parents-to-be who are still growing as we move through our own journeys. Each volunteer has provided links to other social media sites where you can follow them as well.

We hope you enjoy reading these posts as much as we enjoyed writing them. We are always looking for new volunteers so please, contact us if you are interested. Just a few hours per month can help other mamas in a huge way!

Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter shares her Christmas Cookie Swap Blog Hop, which is her fourth annual virtual cookie swap and most popular post of the year. Please stop by and link up your favorite holiday recipe until Dec. 31. You can find Farmer’s Daughter on Facebook and Twitter.

Adrienne from Mommying My Way shares Fear vs. Faith, one of her favorite posts about how often living a life of faith can look like a life of fear, but the two are really quite different. You can also find Mommying My Way on Facebook.

Alicia of Lactation Narration retells the story of her oldest daughter’s 5 years of nursing and weaning in her favorite post of 2011, The Weaning Party. You can find Lactation Narration on Facebook and Twitter.

Amy of Toddler In Tow shares Finding My Mommy-Zen, her most viewed post of 2011. In this post, she shares her desire to balance her own self-esteem by choice in order to parent with peace and compassion. You can also find Toddler In Tow on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter, and follow Amyables (Amy W.) on Google + and Ravelry.

Arpita of Up, Down, and Natural shares one of her most popular posts titled Reflections. This is a beautiful look at the type of mother she wants to be. You can find Up, Down, and Natural on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Charise of I Thought I Knew Mama shares Why Do Children Have More Food Allergies Than Ever Before?, her most viewed post of 2011. This post explains the shocking info that one unsuspecting mother discovered when she started researching why her daughter had a violent allergic reaction to eggs. This is a must read post for ensuring the health of your family. You can also find I Thought I Knew Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Stumbleupon.

Christine of African Babies Don’t Cry shares The Best First Food for Babies, one of her favourite posts of 2011. This well-researched post delves into the healthiest and most nutritious food to feed your baby. You can also find African Babies Don’t Cry on Facebook, Twitter, Google + and Pinterest.

Cynthia of The Hippie Housewife shares Gentle Discipline for Toddlers, her most viewed post of 2011. This post describes five gentle discipline tools for parenting toddlers. You can also find The Hippie Housewife on Facebook, Google +, and Pinterest.

Darcel of The Mahogany Way shares how Babywearing As a Way of Life is one of her favorite posts of 2011. This post showcases some beautiful woven wraps that she has purchased, traded, borrowed, and sold over the years. Darcel also talks about the benefits of babywearing from the newborn through toddler stage. You can also find Darcel{ The Mahogany Way} on Facebook, Twitter, Her Community for Mothers of Color, and Pinterest.

Dionna of Code Name Mama shares 50 Healthy Snack Ideas for Kids Plus Fun Serving Suggestions, her most viewed post of 2011. Most of these snacks are quick to fix and portable, so you can pack them to send with your child on play dates, at preschool, or to just have handy in the refrigerator for when your child wants to grab a bite to eat “all by himself.” You can find Dionna on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Erica at ChildOrganics shares a post that is not only close to her heart, but also her most viewed post for 2011 titled Attachment Parenting in the NICU. This post shares her top 10 tips for parenting should you find yourself with a baby in the NICU. You can also find Erica on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Gretchen of That Mama Gretchen shares her personal experience of returning to work, expressing milk, and the ups and downs in between in her 2011 most viewed post, Mama’s Milk. You can also find Gretchen on GFC, Blog Lovin’, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Isil of Smiling like Sunshine shares how to make an autumn tree using pumpkin seeds, her most popular post in 2011. This post features a lovely craft activity that you can do with your kids! You can also find Isil on Facebook and Twitter.

Jennifer of Hybrid Rasta Mama shares 80 Uses For Coconut Oil, her most viewed post of 2011. This comprehensive post provides background information on the benefits of coconut oil as well as outlines 80 uses for it. You can also find Hybrid Rasta Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Google +, and Pinterest.

Jennifer of True Confessions of a Real Mommy shares her most popular post of 2011, Weekly House Blessing (Otherwise Known as Cleaning Once a Week). This post outlines a once per week cleaning routine for busy moms. You can also find Jennifer on Twitter.

Joella, the mama behind Fine and Fair, shares An Unusual Gripe with Bebe Gluton, one of her most popular posts of 2011. In it, she discusses the controversy surrounding a “breastfeeding doll” and offers her take on the gender role implications of dolls in general. Fine and Fair can also be found on twitter and facebook.

Julia of A Little Bit of All of It shares the story of how her co-sleeping relationship ended with her daughter, her most viewed post of 2011. This post shows how her daughter transitioned to her own bed on her 2nd birthday and the emotions involved for her mom. You can also find A Little Bit of All of It on Facebook, Twitter, Google +, and Pinterest.

Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares True Blessings: White Noise and Grandparents, her most viewed post of 2011. In this post, Kat talks about how she maximizes getting sleep and how grateful and blessed she is to have her parents be so involved in helping and spending time with her kiddos.

Kelly of Becoming Crunchy shares That Cup Does What?, her most viewed post of 2011. This post is one of a series of reviews and information on switching to all natural menstrual products – having heard so many different options and recommendations, Kelly decided to give a whole bunch of them a try and pull all the reviews together in one week for anyone interested in making the switch. This post in particular covers the ins and outs of the Diva Cup. You can also find Becoming Crunchy on Facebook, Twitter, Google + and Pinterest.

Kristin of Intrepid Murmurings shares a popular post from 2011, something she and her husband made for their girls for Christmas, great for open-ended play and construction: Handmade Tree Blocks. You can also find Kristin on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.

Lani of Boobie Time shares Helping a Fellow Breastfeeding Mom, her inspiration for starting to blog. This post discusses the importance of fellow moms supporting each other and some tips on having a successful breastfeeding relationship. Lani can also be found on Facebook.

Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door writes about finally entering “spring” when her child with special needs begins preschool. After battling post-partum mental illness (post tramatic stress disorder) after the preterm birth of her third child, she finally begins to feel healthy and whole again in “It’s Fall, Ya’ll-Again.”

Lauren of Hobo Mama shares On not having an AP poster child, her (OK, second) most viewed post of 2011. Lauren’s first child shook her certainty that attachment parenting meant babies never cried and toddlers grew independent — and that’s all right, too. You can also find Hobo Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Pinterest.

Luschka of Diary of a First Child shares Lactivism, Breastfeeding, Bottlefeeding and Mothers at War, one of her most viewed posts of 2011. This post discusses how the breastfeeding/bottle feeding debate causes a division between mothers, leading to the alienation of women and babies, while divisive companies prosper. You can also find Diary of a First Child on Facebook, and Twitter.

Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares how With Privilege Comes Responsibility, one of her most viewed posts of 2011. This compelling post explains her strong felt desire to stand up for those less privileged. You can also find Living Peacefully with Children on Facebook.

Melissa of Vibrant Wanderings shares a Montessori-Inspired Checklist for Choosing Toys, her most popular post of 2011. The article outlines some important Montessori principles and how they relate to children’s toys, translating that into some simple guiding principles. You can also find Melissa on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Pinterest.

Melissa of White Noise shares Modern Day Wet Nurse, her most viewed post of 2011. In this post, Melissa shares the benefits of human breast milk and human milk sharing. You can also find Melissa at Mothers of Change.

Momma Jorje shares Amniocentesis – What is it *really* like?, one of her most viewed posts of 2011. This open and honest series offers not only the technical process of amniocentesis, but also the emotions involved in awaiting (and receiving) the procedure and a diagnosis. Momma Jorje can also be found on Facebook.

Moorea of MamaLady shares Fluoride: Another Reason Breast Is Best, her favorite post of 2011. This post provides research on the harmful effects of fluoride in drinking water for babies and toddlers and ways to limit fluoride consumption in your home. You can also find MamaLady on Facebook and Twitter and her Parent Coaching Site.

Rachael at The Variegated Life is Calling the Muse in her most viewed post of 2011. In this post, she describes how she uses ritual to help her tap into her creative spirit. You can also find Rachael on Twitter and The Variegated Life on Facebook.

Rebekah and Chris from Liberated Family shares Using Cloth In a Disposable Society, their favorite post of 2011. This extensive post provides a lot of information regarding the varied uses of cloth as well as the many benefits. You can also find Liberated Family on Twitter.

Sarah at Parenting God’s Children shares her most viewed post: Confessions of a Breastfeeding Advocate: I Couldn’t. She confesses her struggles with breastfeeding her daughters, but shares why she’ll continue the good fight. You can also find Sarah on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Seonaid of The Practical Dilettante offers a science- and reverence-based meditation on The Living Earth, her most viewed post of 2011. This meditation was originally written for Earth Day, but it provides a way to reconnect with your place in the living breathing planet at any time of year. You can also find Seonaid on Facebook, Twitter, and Google +.

Sheryl at Little Snowflakes shares her experiences with tandem nursing in Tandem Nursing – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, her most viewed post of 2011. You can also find Sheryl on Twitter.

Stay tuned for some amazing posts from all of these tremendous bloggers in 2012!

 

Books I Couldn’t Even Finish

This is a post by Contributor Lori Horst. To learn more about Lori, go to the About page.

Often I start a book, hopeful, and end up closing it, disappointed.  I figured I would start compiling a list of those books to save you the trouble of buying them. :)

The Secret History of the Pink Carnation by Lauren Willig.  This book seemed like the girl version of The Scarlet Pimpernel, a story and legend which are thoroughly entertaining.  Unfortunately, Willig falls down the same path as many authors in that she makes what could be an interesting story about the time, a cheesy romance novel complete with a hapless heroine who thinks and talks as though she dropped out of a Bridget Jones movie.  I’m not sure Willig even began to research the time which she was writing about since there are so many factual errors that it isn’t even fair to count.  

Take my advice and skip this series which is barely a notch above a Harlequin romance novel.

Return of Sunday Surf

I haven’t done a Sunday Surf since World Breastfeeding Week because I was sharing my favorites in my Google Reader Shared Items (seen on my left side bar.) Sadly, this service is no longer available so I’ll be returning to sharing my favorites with you on Sundays.

Here is what I read this past week that I enjoyed!

Giveaway: Beauty Without Cruelty & Tom’s of Maine Goodies $36 ARV {11.29 US/CAN} – Yay for a natural products giveaway! I currently have their kid’s toothpaste for Marcella and she loves it, and I also have the Beauty Without Cruelty mascara and like it.

Homemade Yogurt: My New Brainless Method  – This method is quite as intimidating to me as others I’ve read about (but I’m still a little scared to try it.) If I actually attempt this sometime, I’ll post about it. :)

Baja Butternut Squash Soup – I love butternut squash soup but I’ve never actually made it since my husband isn’t a fan of soups. Still, maybe I’ll make a batch and have it for lunches for Marcella and me.

Healthy Afternoon snack: Soft Pretzels and Hummus – I recently tried making homemade hummus for the first time and was sadly disappointed in the taste. Maybe I’ll try this recipe instead and make these yummy pretzels to go with it.

Perfect Butternut Squash Soup with Lime – Yes, I know, another butternut squash soup recipe. I think the addition of lime sounds wonderful!

Put This On Your Bucket List: Homemade Butter – Homemade butter is something I think I could definitely make. It is on my list of things to try someday.

Monday Minimalist: Join the Movement! – I always enjoy reading Momma Jorje’s Monday Minimalist posts and now she has a button and is asking other bloggers to join her! Maybe you’ll see a Monday Minimalist post from me in the future. (I already saw that Anktangle has joined in and I enjoyed reading her post as well.)

The Toddler Pumpkin Extravaganza – I loved everything about this toddler pumpkin party!

Plan Your Peaceful Christmas: Task 1 – Christmas is right around the corner, really.

What is Happening on Facebook

Back mid-October I asked Facebook Fans some fall questions and this is how they answered:

Favorite thing about fall?

Christy of Adventures in Mommyhood: Mommy Outnumbered said: “Oh what is not to love! I am absolutely in love with everything. The colors-watching the leaves slowly change bursting with color and then fall off, bright orange punpkins lined up outside of the stores; the smells-fresh cut hay, fall leaves, pumpkin pie, nutmeg, cinnamon; the tastes-agian nutmeg, cinnamon, pumpkin pie, hot chocoloate, fresh apples off the tree, applie pie; the sensations-cool crisp air, leaves crinkling beneath your feet, biting into the first apple of the season. Fall is by far my favorite time of the year! I look forwad to it like kids look forward to Christmas.”

Kelly of Becoming Crunchy said: “I like Christy’s answer… :) I will concur and say everything! I adore the weather and the leaves…the family traditions of apple picking and going to the pumpkin farm, carving pumpkins, dressing up for Halloween, baking…the gorgeous smells everywhere you turn. I’m actually kinda sad that October has been so warm so far! Oh and my anniversary is in October, so that’s another thing I love about fall. :)

Marcella with the Thurman Burger

Favorite fall food?

Josh of Cella’s Sweets said: “My favorite is the Thurman burger from Thurman’s in Columbus, Ohio.”

Amy H said: “Eggnog. Does that count?”

Nancy F said: “Carmel Corn”

Favorite pumpkin dish?

Josh of Cella’s Sweets said roasted pumpkin seeds.

I hope you all have a wonderful fall day today and be on the lookout for another week of questions on Facebook!

Rebekah’s Story – Baby Orali

This post is part of a series of posts in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today’s post comes from Rebekah.

In May 2005, we learned I was pregnant. We were overjoyed. It was our first child. We had dreams. We made plans. We were ecstatic and excited to welcome this new life into ours. As two we were one, but now as three we felt complete. We couldn’t wait to meet our little February baby. I researched a bit. I made a short list of supplements to buy, stuff that I read is needed for a healthy pregnancy. Mother-in-law comes to visit. Should we tell her? No, let’s wait awhile before we tell family.

Nearly one month into the pregnancy I turn 21. A cake is being made. I am careful to avoid the raw eggs. One drops on the floor. I want to clean it up, but Chris reminds me about the baby and takes care of it. I can’t be too careful – all that stuff I’ve heard about raw eggs and miscarriage. I also have given up litter box duties. Can’t complain about that one.

We roam the local college campus in the early AM hours. We talk; we dream. We laugh as we run through the sprinklers. It’s not an unusual night for us. But there is one difference – our little one is now a part of these conversations. We are excited about the road ahead.
But one day that all changed. One day those dreams were put on hold. The light fades from our faces.I started bleeding. It’s a small amount. Hopefully it will stop.

The cat is acting up. The neighbors are being unreasonable. I am stressed. The bleeding increases. I’m not sure why. Perhaps I was mistaken about being pregnant? I don’t think too much more about it. I can tell something is different, an emptiness in my heart. I’m depressed.

We plan a trip to see my grandparents. It will be refreshing to spend time with family. We leave town.Things go well during the visit. The bleeding slows some. We are happy to be with family.

Several days into the visit I’m not feeling very well. I’m cramping a lot. At dusk the cramps become stronger. I tell Chris about it and lay down. He stays by my side. He talks to me about pleasant things. He tells me the meaning of a Greek word. I am trying to enjoy our conversation, but the cramps are distracting. He gives me a hug and leaves to go to the bathroom. While he’s gone the cramps are unbearable. When Chris comes back we discuss the situation and decide to go to the hospital. Chris drives as fast as he possibly can, and we arrive in about 15 minutes. I’m in so much pain I can barely walk inside. I immediately head for the bathroom. I can tell I’ve passed something. I check and it is (what I later learn) the sac. It is grey. I don’t know what to think. I’m not even sure what it is. I flush it. I open the door and tell Chris about it. Eventually I make my way out of the bathroom, and there is a wheelchair waiting for me. I am taken to a room. I change and wait. And wait. The nurse comes in to take down information and ask questions – how did I know I was pregnant if I didn’t take a test? Well, I just knew. They do a blood test. It shows that I’m 2 ½ months into the pregnancy.

via dcdistrictdiva.com

A sonogram is done. Afterwards, as I am being wheeled away, the technician pats me on the leg and I notice she has a sad smile. Ominous.

Finally the doctor arrives and has a look. He doesn’t say much. He leaves for awhile. He comes back. He talks. I don’t remember any of it except for one sentence, “There is no life in there.” Those words have echoed in my mind ever since. We were miserable. Deflated. But more than anything, we just wanted to go back to where we were staying. However, we can’t go yet. I am told I need a Rhogham shot. So we wait…and wait….and wait some more. After two hours of waiting, Chris goes to see what the hold up is. He learns that the shot has been sitting in the lab for the past 45 minutes, waiting for someone to retrieve it. Grumble, grumble. I’m given the shot. We can leave.

By this time it is daylight. We were in the hospital all night. We are totally exhausted. There is a deep, painful, stabbing misery in our hearts. We are empty. We grab something to eat and head back to my grandparents’ house. Over the course of the day we tell different family members of our loss. The nightmare isn’t completely over, however. The nurse said that in a few weeks I would need to have a follow-up done and a D&C once I was back home. I do this. I go to the follow-ups. I’m miserable. An ultrasound is done to know for sure that I need a D&C. Everything is unpleasant. I’m not a person; I am a patient. Everyone is cold. Some say unbelievably insensitive things to us. I am disgusted. I don’t want to see these people ever again. Oh, but the D&C. I have to have that, don’t I? So, grudgingly, I press forward. My misery increases with each visit.

Finally, the day of the D&C arrives. Everything apparently goes okay. I wake up from the anesthesia. I am sobbing. I put my face into my hands and cry so hard. My heart feels more empty than ever. I am in some sort of a holding area and alone except for a nearby nurse. I ask for Chris and am told that he can come back now that I am awake. I am also told that while under anesthesia I said a lot of things. This makes me uncomfortable. I have no clue what I might have said. And no one will tell me anything. I go home. I feel frozen. I want to crawl into a cave and not come out for a long time.

Something that I have always resented about my miscarriage is that, apparently, I was supposed to be past it and my life back to normal within a few days to a week afterwards. As though it was nothing. If only it were that easy. The days and months that followed were very dark and bleak. I felt like a failure. A loser. Broken. Inadequate. Unfit. Half a person. The list goes on. It was several months before I felt somewhat okay again. And it wasn’t until my oldest was born (over two years later) that I felt whole and healed.

We both felt that our baby was a girl. We named her Orali. It means “my light” in Hebrew. Because she was our little light.

November Monthly Meal Plan

I decided to try out shopping for and creating a meal plan for a month’s worth of meals and asked on A Little Bit of All of It’s Facebook page if there was any interest in my posting in on the blog. As there was, here it is. :)

I have created 4 different worksheets in Excel in Google Docs so I could share them with you. The first one is the actual calendar with all of the meals on them. I don’t have sides, just the actual main dish so you would have to add those in. Also, whenever I create a meal plan, whether it be for a week or a month, just because I have an item listed on a certain day, doesn’t actually mean we have to eat it that day. I will be looking at each week as a whole (Monday – Sunday) and choosing a meal from those seven for each day. It is just easier for us that way.

The next sheet labeled “Ingredients” (look at the bottom of the spreadsheet and you will see the tabs for each individual worksheet to click on) is a list of ingredients for each individual recipe. I have highlighted my pantry items so those are not included in the grocery list. Make sure to look through and check those items and add them if you don’t already have them.

The sheet labeled “List with Pricing” has the prices for everything when I bought it. Of course, your total cost may vary but this should give you some idea anyway.

The last sheet labeled “Grocery List” is umm, the grocery list. :) I have it broken down by where I purchased the items and then by week for those perishable produce items I will need to by the week I am actually using them. Produce that could be frozen once chopped up I have on the month long list.

You can find the recipes for any item on the calendar that are not highlighted on my Recipes page here on the blog. The others are from the following cookbooks (as indicated on the spreadsheet with page #’s):

Southern Living Everyday Menus

Just 4 Things

The Six O’Clock Scramble

Once-A-Month Cooking

Simply Delicious Vegetarian

From Our Homes to Yours – This is a personal family cookbook I made for my brother and sister-in-law as a wedding gift. There is only one recipe from this cookbook, but I will gladly email anyone the recipe that would like it. Just ask in the comments or email me at julia@naturallifemom.com

Lastly, I have also compiled all of the grocery lists into Zip List and saved it as a checklist. It is easy to go to the checklist and click the option to add the week you need to your list and then just take off the items you do not need.

Click on the image below to read all of the recipes. The items in bold can be frozen. There are 3 days with no meals planned: the 11th, 17th and 25th.

Please let me know if you have any questions in the comments or email me!

A Day in the Life of This Mom

I have seen several posts of this nature on blogs and always found them really interesting. Now, it seems to me that my day certainly couldn’t be all that interesting to anyone else but, since I enjoyed seeing into what other mom’s that stay home do on a typical day, it is possible. :) This was actually a day several months ago (March 23, 2011 to be exact). At the time, Marcella had just turned 2 (the day before actually!) and the baby I watch during the day had just turned 5 months old a couple days before. My day is pretty different now, of course, with Marcella being 2.5 now and the baby having just turned a year old. Perhaps I will do this again sometime soon. I might be interesting to do this once every 6 months of so just to see how much life changes over time. Well, after that long intro, here it is. Next time maybe I’ll think to take some pictures, too.

6:45 to 7:15. Hit snooze twice (I admit it!) Checked e-mail and blog stuff on my phone while lying in bed.

7:15 to 7:45 Made my bed, showered and did my hair, makeup etc. Put a load of towels in the washer.

7:45 to 8:10 Got Marcella up, diaper changed and dressed. Nursed Marcella. Made Marcella’s bed. Got Marcella a snack and some water.

8:10 to 8:40 Drove to pick up baby I watch and came back home.

8:40 to 9:00 Brought kids in to the house and put baby in play gym while I made breakfast (whole wheat toast with peanut butter and banana with water for Marcella, hot tea with local raw honey for me). Ate breakfast, then cleaned up Marcella. Put shoe that fell off back on Marcella. Move baby to chair (Fisher Price space saver highchair that attaches to chair) so she can watch me wash dishes.

9:00 to 9:30 Washed breakfast dishes. Made bottle for baby and put towels in dryer. Fed baby and changed baby’s diaper. Played with baby.

9:30 to 10:00 Put baby on blanket on the floor and Marcella and her played. Put blankets in washer. Stuffed diapers while singing Old McDonald multiple times for Marcella. Held baby and rocked baby.

10:00 – 10:30 Rocked baby and tried putting down baby for nap multiple times unsuccessfully. Nursed Marcella.

10:30 – 11:30 Checked e-mail. Took Marcella and baby for a walk. Fed baby while Marcella played on the playground. Walked back home.

11:30 – 12:00 Put baby to sleep. Changed Marcella’s diaper. Straightened Marcella’s room and nursed Marcella.

12:00 – 12:30 Worked 0n cleaning/straightening Marcella’s closet.

12:30 to 2:00 Marcella woke up baby. Changed baby’s diaper blow-out. Rinsed out dirty onesie and cleaned changing pad. Changed sheets. Changed baby’s outfit. Fed Marcella lunch and ate lunch. Fed baby bottle.

via michiphotostory.blogspot.com

2:00 – 2:30 Straightened up mess Marcella made in my room. Changed Marcella’s diaper. Folded and put away towels. Straightened Marcella’s room.

2:30-3:00 Tried to get baby to nap unsuccessfully. Nursed Marcella.

3:00-3:30 Went to recycling place to drop off plastics. Went to Sonic for 1/2 price drink for me. :) Both girls fell asleep in the car. Drove home.

3:30-4:00 Emptied and loaded dishwasher. Cleaned up paper clutter on kitchen counter. Put paper in recycle bin. Straightened living room toys and straightened bonus room toys. Filed. Straightened kitchen.

4:00-4:30 Worked on guest post. Read blog posts in Google reader.

4:30-5:00 Baby woke up. Changed baby’s diaper and fed baby. Baby fell asleep while being fed. Held baby while she sleept.

5:00 – 5:30 Read blog posts in Google Reader.

5:30 – 6:00 Marcella woke up. Put baby down. Nursed Marcella. Folded and put away blankets in dryer. Did blog stuff. Baby woke up. Changed Marcella’s diaper. Baby’s mom comes to pick her up.

6:00 – 7:00 Talked to baby’s mom. Made dinner and ate dinner. Talked with my husband while eating dinner. Did dishes with my husband. Cleaned up dinner mess.

7:00 – 7:30 Gave Marcella a bath. Put on lotion, diaper and pajamas. Combed Marcella’s hair and brushed her teeth. Worked on Marcella’s closet for Project Simplify.

7:30 – 9:00 Finished organizing Marcella’s closet. Worked on guest post. Got ready for bed. Read with Marcella and my husband.

9:00 Nursed Marcella to sleep.

At some point I must have gone to sleep myself but the events after 6pm I did not record in as much detail as you can tell and now that so much time has passed I don’t remember. I know during the 7:30-9:00 I spent time with my husband and Marcella but don’t remember what we did since I didn’t write it down.

Is this pretty much what your day looks like or is it very different? Tell me about it in the comments!

Josh’s Story – Losing Shannon

This post is part of a series of posts in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today’s post comes from Josh, AKA my husband. He has been a guest on the blog before. You can read more about Josh at the end of this post. (You can also read my version of our story and my mom’s version.)

I miss Shannon very much. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. Every night Marcella, my daughter, and I pray and ask God to tell Shannon we love him and miss him. There are several days that I am almost moved to tears because I miss him so much. That’s why I am always happy to tell his story.

Shannon was our first child and we were ecstatic when we saw two lines on the pregnancy test. I can recall physically jumping up and down when we found out. We rushed over to Julie’s parents because we had to tell some one. We started planning and researching and ordering books, upon books, upon books. We even received a blanket from a friend as a gift we liked and we were going to fashion the nursery after it. We were giddy and didn’t know any better.

About 8 weeks in, Julie had noticed some unusual cramping and spotting, so we called the midwife to check things out. The midwife scheduled an ultrasound and we got to hear our little baby’s heart beat for the first time. It was loud and fast and he was measuring at exactly 8 weeks. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Relief immediately set in when the doctor told us everything was ok and our baby was measuring right on schedule. So it was back to planning for the birth, for parenthood, for our new beginning.

Four weeks later, Julie had the same symptoms so back for another ultrasound to make sure all was well. I was excited. I was going to hear my baby’s heartbeat again. We stepped into the room for the ultrasound and waited to hear the heartbeat…maybe the baby is moving and he can’t find it…maybe the machine is broke. The doctor said nothing. I looked at the screen. The baby was measuring 8 weeks and 1 day; obviously this was wrong. The doctor looked at us and said, “I hope everything will be ok.” What does that mean? I didn’t hear a heartbeat and my baby is measuring one day larger than the day we were there a month ago. I hope everything will be ok?? Really?? We didn’t know what was going on. We called our midwife and she told us that it sounded as if we miscarried. I somehow kept it together. Maybe it was a mistake.

via postpartumdadsproject.org/

We drove to Julie’s parents, because we didn’t know what else to do. I was still shocked, in disbelief of what I was told. I sat at their kitchen table and called my brother. I don’t know why, but it was that point that it sunk in. Maybe it was hearing myself say the words “We lost our baby” out loud, but that point right there was the lowest point of my life.

My baby was gone.

For the first time in my life there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t work hard to make it better. I felt hopeless and empty. I was prepared to paint a nursery and baby-proof the house. There was no contingency plan. What do we do now? We didn’t have that book.

We didn’t even know what to do with our baby at that point. After much talk with our midwife, Julie decided to try to let him pass naturally. She did warn us that this could take a couple weeks. For the time, we were prepared for that. What we weren’t prepared for was the night Julie spent 6 hours with wave after wave of contractions. She just kept looking at me for help, and I could offer none. This was the second time in my life there was nothing I could do. We hadn’t got to that part of the book yet. The hypnobirthing classes weren’t for another couple months. We rethought what to do. We met with the Dr. and we elected to go the medical route and scheduled a procedure. There was part of me thinking as we went in, “It’s going to be over today.”

What happened next is nothing short of a miracle.

Julie had her procedure and we went home so she could get some rest. 4 days later she understandably felt crampy and went into the bathroom. She screamed for me, and I ran in to see what the commotion was. She asked me what I saw and there he was…fully intact…my little baby no bigger than a penny. To this day I remember his eyes and little tiny legs and arms. Our God had spared his physical body from the violent nature of the procedure designed to get him out. Our God knew we needed to see him. He knew we needed to hear the heartbeat several weeks earlier…one day before Shannon died. God knew that allowing us to bury him, next to the Kwanzaan Cherry tree we planted in Shannon’s memory, would give us a place to go to remember him.

I don’t know why God took our baby. To this day I don’t know. I don’t have any magical insight that makes the pain go away for those going through a miscarriage. But I do know that God is good, and in His goodness He has shown me what I needed to get me through. I miss Shannon very much. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him.

Josh is a dad, a husband, a baker and a builder. You can see his cakes on Facebook.

Zoie’s Story – It May Not Get Better

This post is part of a series of posts in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today’s post comes from Zoie of  TouchstoneZ: Gentle Parenting and Mindful Living off the Mat. You can learn more about Zoie at the end of this post.

via http://webpages.scu.edu/ftp/kmarume/

It may not get better, but it does become different.

It has been four years since my daughter was stillborn. It is hard to grasp that so much time has gone by. It is difficult to understand how drastically different my life has changed in these last four years.

I have had two more sons since then-two sons who I would not have if my daughter had been born healthy. I have never been able to reconcile my longing for her to be with me, knowing that it would mean not having my sons. Nor could I embrace being fully with my sons since it meant letting go of my daughter.

The pain of being unable to reconcile the desire for all of my children to be here me hasn’t gotten any easier over the years. And I don’t think it ever will.

I’ve heard people say that time heals or that the grief of loss will become less over time. I haven’t found this to be the case. It hurts just as much now as on the day she died. I can return to any of those moments and feel the ripping pain whenever I want to. Sometimes I can feel it when I don’t want to.

The only difference four years out, is in the immediacy of the experiences. More often now, I can choose not to think it about it or feel it. The practice of compartmentalizing the grief eventually becomes easier, until it is almost second nature.  I even look like someone not holding on to any sadness or pain at all.

Others may find that the pain is less, but there is no guarantee of that. There’s also no valuation or judgment of either method of coping with grief. It just needs to be allowed to happen.

When I talk to other mothers grieving for their lost babies, I don’t want to tell them that it will always hurt. Nor do I want to tell them that it will get better. The first feels unfathomable and overwhelming in a situation already describable in those terms. The second can feel like a negation of their loss or a betrayal of the personhood of their baby. Neither may be true for them. Or both may be true. Or another experience entirely.

So, when I am asked about how the pain of loss feels over time, I simply say, “It may not get better, but it does become different.”

Zoie is a hippy mama to three boys on earth and one girl who soars. She waggles her toes near the San Francisco Bay and wiggles her fingers at TouchstoneZ: Gentle Parenting and Mindful Living off the Mat. You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Miscarriage Poetry

This post is part of a series of posts in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today’s post comes from Lauren of Hobo Mama, who also contributed a post on natural miscarriage last week. You can learn more about Lauren at the end of this post.

Death of the Firstborn

“This Birth was hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death.” — T.S. Eliot

They all look quite like you at that age,
and dead like nothing at all,
a clot of purple-gray, sticky and wrapped with strong, black ribbons.

Feeling you leave in a gush of pain and red,
in the blackest and loneliest part of the night,
was a hard & bitter agony,
like giving birth,
giving birth to death.

Why were we led all that way, and never to see your face?
How could I do this again?
Death of the firstborn,
and God spares no one,
because why should we be passed over?


End of the Bleeding

Who knew I’d feel this desperate
To hold on to the bleeding?

To realize I can trade in maxi for mini,
And I insist on the industrial-size.

A few more drops of liquid life,
And you’re gone, little one,
Gone,
Along with all that housed you.

My uterus is an empty rented house,
Scrubbed clean,
Waiting for the next inhabitant.


robin's eggs in a nest

Robin

“I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies. Do you believe this?” — Jesus

Robin like the hope of spring
Robin like the blue of an egg, the peace of that blue filtering through me and healing

We buried you, Robin,
or maybe it was umbilical cord or placenta or blood (but let’s believe),
in the hardy mum that weathered
summer and winter, drought and flood,
one journey from East Coast to Midwest in the oppressive droopiness of summer,
and one from Midwest to West Coast in the blasting chills of winter,
and even my unmotherly indifference.
Will I one day be a Hardy Mum, Robin?
I feel more like a Bleeding Girl.

Robin, a unique mix of two people who loved you,
and we’ll never know if you had brown eyes or Irish green,
or if you skipped the odds entirely and went with your namesake blue,
like a daring surprise in a nondescript nest.
Would you inherit my chirping child’s always-singing voice,
your dad’s flights into the airy forgetfulness of thought,
my persistent hopefulness for a green thumb as I dig in the dirt?

Robin like a wish
Like a wish
Like a wish

Robin egg photo courtesy Karen Barefoot on stock.xchng

Mother after miscarriage

I hardly think of you anymore, Robin,
dear forgotten boy.
Tucked into the roots of the hardy mum,
just a few cells now dissolved,
nutrified, drawn into
the plant that sends out its blooms
early this year,
to remind me.

miscarriage — blooming hardy mum


Hobo MamaLauren blogs at Hobo Mama about natural and attachment parenting and at LaurenWayne.com about writing and blogging, and she is the co-founder of Natural Parents Network. She lives and writes in Seattle with her husband, four-year-old son, and four-month-old baby. You can read Lauren’s miscarriage story here and read more miscarriage, pregnancy, and parenting poetry in her book, Poetry of a Hobo Mama.

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